25 of the funniest Martin Crane quotes from Frasier

Actor John Mahoney, best known for his role as the grumpy - but beloved - character Martin Crane in American sitcom Frasier has passed away at the age of 77. Famed for his witty delivery and grumpy demeanour, Martin Crane was present for all 264 episodes of the hugely popular Sitcom which came to an end in 2004. To celebrate the life of the Blackpool-born actor we've compiled 25 of Martin Crane's most cantankerous and priceless quotes. Mahoney played the son of titular character Frasier Crane , played by Kelsey Grammer (Photo: Paramount Television) Frasier: "Didn't you ever give Mom something unexpected? " Martin: "Yeah, you!" "Well, don't worry about it. We all get obsessed sometimes. The important thing is to drop it before you start yakking on and on to someone who doesn't give a rats ass." Frasier: "When did she find the time to put that scarf in my brief case I only had it out of my sight when I was in the barber's chair" Martin: "well that would have only given her 15 seconds." "I used to think there was some sort of mix-up at the hospital when Frasier was born. Of course, when Niles came along, it shot that theory all to hell" [Looking at a beer can longingly] "Well, hello there. Will you be my Ballantine?" "I remember the first time I drove a moon crane. Damn near rolled it right into the Sea of Tranquillity!" Frasier: "Come on Dad, don't you believe in second chances?" Martin: "I did...until we had Niles." "My name is Martin Crane. When I made this tape, I was 64 years old. But now...I'm dead! Trapped in a box underground! Pretty scary, huh?" "Boy, things have really changed since my day. Back then, if a girl got in trouble, her family would send her away to relatives in another state, and if anybody asked, just lied and said she went to Europe. Then when she came back, they'd raise the baby as a little sister. Not like today; we had morals and values back then." "Sorry Duke, I can't talk now. I'm in the twilight zone." "Let's see. One of my sons just got picked up by a guy. The other son is jealous. Yep, life is good." "A friendly smile and a how-do-you-do in the hallway goes a lot further than being the People's Laxative." Martin: "We call him 'Eddie Spaghetti.'" Daphne: "Why, because he likes pasta?" Martin: "No, because he's got worms." Dr. Niles Crane: [doorbell rings] "That'll be Daphne."Martin Crane: "She's not cooking, is she? I just got out of the hospital!" "Dandy! You've had a breakthrough and I've lost my chair. Maybe I can sit on your breakthrough." "Oh great, my kids are having plastic surgery. That's a nice age to get to." "Haters will see you walk on water and say it's because you can't swim." "Oh I get it, you'll eat it but you won't kill it. What do you think it's born a l'orange?" Niles: "What's wrong with Maris?" Martin: "I'll start. Frasier can jump in when I get hoarse." "The world would be a happier place if everybody would remember two little words: 'people stink'." Martin Crane could often be found on his hideous, but iconic recliner seat (Photo: Paramount Television) "If plan A didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters!" [Niles and Martin are working on a model ship of a schooner.]Daphne: "Schooner? I thought it was a frigate!"Niles: "No no, a frigate has forward-aft mainsail."Daphne: "No, that's a brigantine."Niles: "Well you're right. Then, well what's a frigate?"Martin: "When you just don't give a damn anymore." Frasier: "The people of Dad's generation would sit around the radio every night, absolutely mesmerized." Martin: "We were a simple people." "A good samaritan is nothing but a good target" [After Frasier, Niles, and Martin lift her to her feet have helped Daphne to her feet] "Daphne, I just thought of something funny: it took three Cranes to lift you!" Have your say on the latest TV with Screen Babble, the television discussion group on Facebook.